Brandon’s Story | Celebrating Pride Month
Shared By: Brandon Douglas | Vice-President Clinical Services & Interim Chief Nurse Executive, St. Mary's General Hospital
Growing up in a small, conservative town in southern Ontario, the ability to discover or explore who you are was not something easily done. Certainly, coupled with having a very traditional family, with parents who had been together since they were 13 years old, this added additional pressures to how one was supposed to move through life; a boy was to find a girl, get married, buy a house, have kids and live happily ever after – this was ingrained at a young age already in society and was emphasized by those around me growing up.
Despite all this, I was still free to make the choices I wanted in terms of extracurriculars. I tried the whole soccer thing at age four, but my triplet sister and I just did cartwheels in the fields while our brother played the game properly – I was much more interested in dancing in the basement with our older sister – and shockingly, despite a seven-year age difference, could keep up! It was at that point my parents put me in dance classes – jazz and tap. This was where my journey began.
At a very young age in elementary school, there were already gender stereotypes, and it just wasn’t common for boys to take dance classes. Because of this, by grade two (and for my entire school career) I was immediately labelled as "gay" and for me back then, there was a very negative connotation to that word and way of life, especially in that small town. While I continued to dance despite the ridicule (because frankly, I was damn good at it, especially tap, at 15 and 16 years old I represented team Canada winning two world gold medals!), I had to prove to those around me, including my own brother who often led the name-calling, that I was not gay and was in fact as “straight” as they were. This led me to date many girls just to make this point.
Fast forward to my first year of university, I started studying Nursing north of the GTA. I had a fresh start moving away from home and my friends in university only knew the “straight” me so all I had to do was maintain this pattern. To be fair, at that point, I had questioned my own sexuality so many times between straight, bi or gay, that I wasn’t even sure where I fell on the spectrum. So, I did what I knew to be “right” and started my life with a woman never having imagined what the next 10 years would bring us.
My wife intentionally got pregnant, which was not a decision we had made together and after moving past this through counselling, over the next eight years we had two more children together. I always felt like something was missing in my life – never fulfilled. Despite having three beautiful, healthy children, a great career, and being married to the mother of my children, there was just something missing I couldn’t put my finger on, and my wife noticed too. I also found myself more and more curious as the years went on and through counselling, I reached a breakthrough and knew that I needed to experience something different to truly “rule out” what others had called me all my early life. This time, it was a decision that my wife and I made together.
At age 30, I went on my first date with a man. When I got home, it was clear to me and my wife (who could tell from my face walking in the door) that THIS was more aligned with who I was. After a lot of deep conversations and reflection, we agreed to separate to give each of us what we deserved and needed.
We went through anxiety-provoking conversations with our family and then friends, and lastly explained this to our children who were six and nine at the time. Our youngest child was six months old, and these conversations were the toughest part for both of us throughout this entire process. Eventually, their understanding and acceptance of our new reality was beautiful and there has never been an ounce of distaste to the idea of Daddy being gay, unlike in my childhood, this was a much more accepting and progressive society.
Moving to present day, I have spent the past four and half years really finding myself and have met the kindest man to whom I am now married to. My family and friends have been nothing but supportive and accepting – many telling me “I knew it all along” or that they were shocked I had married a woman! My Mom also got to see me truly happy just before she died through MAID three years ago, and was able to meet my wonderful partner and know I was in good hands without her. My ex-wife now lives 20 doors down from us and we share 50/50 custody of our children. We have a great friendship and our kids now have two dads and a mom and two houses, and they couldn’t be more loved!
The numerous events planned across the Hospitals, such as flag-raising ceremonies, Pride parades, and ongoing education through newsletters and Huddles, along with stories highlighting the 2SLGBTQIA+ journeys of team members, demonstrate strong engagement and support for our community.
I believe we are making significant progress with the initiatives we have implemented in recent years and those we plan to introduce. I am confident that our measures have been effective in raising awareness of the importance of our EDI strategies and prompting a shift in how people perceive and understand EDI. I have observed a notable increase in awareness and support for this group, along with growing requests to modify long-standing practices to better address the needs identified by our front-line teams and patients.
I am grateful to work for an organization that believes in, promotes, and wholeheartedly embraces inclusivity and acceptance for all. It is inspiring to witness the commitment of both St. Mary’s General Hospital and Grand River Hospital to learning, supporting, and educating our team members, as well as providing compassionate care to all those in need.